Alright, so the picks for the first week of The Ultimate Wager are in. We'll be picking ten games each week, and there are four points up for grabs this week:
South Carolina (+4.5) at NC State
Bryan - NC State
Chris - South Carolina
Nevada (+14) at Notre Dame
Bryan - Nevada
Chris - Notre Dame
Alabama (-7) vs Virginia Tech
Bryan - Va Tech
Chris - Bama
Maryland (+21.5) at California
Bryan - Turtle Fucking Power
Chris - Cal
The other six games..we agreed on. Just for record keeping purposes:
Oregon (+4) at Boise State
Baylor (+2.5) at Wake Forest
Georgia (+5.5) at Oklahoma State
Missouri (+7) at Illinois
Colorado State (+10.5) at Colorado
Miami (+5.5) at Florida State
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
It Might Promote...Wait, What?
The first night my roommates and I went out to party when they got back to Manhattan, one of them came back with a case of purple and white Bud Light cans. I remember thinking that was one of the coolest things I'd seen on a beer can, our school colors. My only question was, "Why didn't I think of that?"
Apparently Bud Light sales are down for the first time in twenty some years. Apparently Anheuser-Busch came up with an amazing idea here. Apparently universities aren't exactly thrilled about it.
At first I thought I kind of understood what they were upset about. My thoughts immediately went to them wanting a share of the profits. And it turns out that is part of the story here. A number of schools have threatened lawsuits, citing trademark concerns. But my question is this: can a school really "trademark" their colors? I bet if they were offered a cut of the sales, they'd think twice about it.
But the thing that really caught my eye was that universities felt these cans would "promote binge drinking among college students." That's a joke, right? Cause college kids don't ever, ya know...drink...a lot. I had to do a double-take when I read that, because it just didn't make sense to me.
Don't get me wrong, I understand that alcoholism is a very serious problem and that alcohol-related deaths are no laughing matter. But a freshman isn't going to start drinking because the color of his beer can matches his shirt. He might choose the purple and white Bud Light can over, say, a Natty Light can, but either way he's gonna throw back a couple brews and have a good time.
Apparently Bud Light sales are down for the first time in twenty some years. Apparently Anheuser-Busch came up with an amazing idea here. Apparently universities aren't exactly thrilled about it.
At first I thought I kind of understood what they were upset about. My thoughts immediately went to them wanting a share of the profits. And it turns out that is part of the story here. A number of schools have threatened lawsuits, citing trademark concerns. But my question is this: can a school really "trademark" their colors? I bet if they were offered a cut of the sales, they'd think twice about it.
But the thing that really caught my eye was that universities felt these cans would "promote binge drinking among college students." That's a joke, right? Cause college kids don't ever, ya know...drink...a lot. I had to do a double-take when I read that, because it just didn't make sense to me.
Don't get me wrong, I understand that alcoholism is a very serious problem and that alcohol-related deaths are no laughing matter. But a freshman isn't going to start drinking because the color of his beer can matches his shirt. He might choose the purple and white Bud Light can over, say, a Natty Light can, but either way he's gonna throw back a couple brews and have a good time.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Week 1 Schedule
We've narrowed down the list to the ten games we'll be picking the first week of the season, beginning with the Thursday night games on September 3 at slap o'clock.
Thursday
South Carolina (+3.5) at NC State
Oregon (+5.5) at Boise State
Saturday
Nevada (+14) at Notre Dame
Baylor (+1) at Wake Forest
Georgia (+6) at Oklahoma State
Missouri (+7) vs Illinois
Alabama (-6.5) vs Virginia Tech
Mayland (+21) at California
Sunday
Colorado State (+11) at Colorado
Monday
Miami (+5) at Florida State
If I were a betting man, I'd throw down on Va Tech. I like them to win this game, even without their starting runningback, so it seems like a gift to be given six and a half points.
The lines will probably change some before the games, so we’ll wait until the Tuesday or Wednesday of game week before making our elaborately researched and insightful selections.
Thursday
South Carolina (+3.5) at NC State
Oregon (+5.5) at Boise State
Saturday
Nevada (+14) at Notre Dame
Baylor (+1) at Wake Forest
Georgia (+6) at Oklahoma State
Missouri (+7) vs Illinois
Alabama (-6.5) vs Virginia Tech
Mayland (+21) at California
Sunday
Colorado State (+11) at Colorado
Monday
Miami (+5) at Florida State
If I were a betting man, I'd throw down on Va Tech. I like them to win this game, even without their starting runningback, so it seems like a gift to be given six and a half points.
The lines will probably change some before the games, so we’ll wait until the Tuesday or Wednesday of game week before making our elaborately researched and insightful selections.
The Bill of Slaps
To ensure that we don't break any of the sacred rules of the slap bet, I found the list that was scribed by our founding fathers centuries ago:
Click the image for a larger, more readable version.
THE BILL OF SLAPS
1. A slap bet is created when two parties involved in a disagreement, argument, or difference of opinion mutually agree that whichever party is proven right (or winning party) gets to slap whichever party is proven wrong (or losing party) across the face as hard as they possibly can.
2. In all Slap Bets, a Slap Bet Commissioner must be appointed. In the event of a discrepancy, the Slap Bet Commissioner makes the final ruling. The Slap Bet Commissioner must be someone fair and unbiased, someone kind hearted but not afraid to rule with an iron wrist.
3. When issuing a slap, the slapper must avoid lips and noses at all costs. The goal is for the palm of the slapper's hand to connect with the meaty part of the slappee's cheek thus providing utmost enjoyment and pain. If you're seeing handprint on cheek, you're doing something right. In the event of a bloody nose, the Slap Bet Commissioner shall award the slappee three slaps to be used in succession. Suggestion: The Dead Man's slap (rule 8.)
4. When issuing a slap, the slapper must not wear any rings, gloves, or other finger/hand ornaments to protect the safety of the slappee.
5. When issuing a slap, the slapper must keep one foot on the ground at all times to protect the safety of the slappee.
6. In the event of Premature Slapulation, (when the slapper slaps the slappee as hard as he or she possibly can and then afterwards, finds out that the slap was not warranted), the slappee gets to slap the slapper at least three times.
7. The Blind Man Slap: If the Slap Bet Commissioner deems the slappee particularly deserving, the Slap Bet Commissioner can issue The Blind Man Slap in which the slappee must close their eyes while being slapped.
8. The Dead Man Slap: Backhanded slaps are permitted only if used in succession. For example, if the Slap Bet Commissioner awards the slapper multiple slaps, the slapper can use a backhand if and only if it's preceded by a forehand. This is commonly referred to as The Dead Man Slap and is the only existing slap that allows the slapper to connect with both sides of the slappee's face thereby earning maximum slappage.
9. When the slappee gets slapped, he/she must accept the fact that they've just been slapped. Any retaliation against the slapper, by the slappee, will result in no less than ten slaps (with a set number to be delivered by the Slap Bet Commissioner.)
10. The most important rule: Enjoy! Few things in this world match the sheer joy one receives from slapping a friend right across the face. Especially after being proven right. So slap away!
Click the image for a larger, more readable version.
THE BILL OF SLAPS
1. A slap bet is created when two parties involved in a disagreement, argument, or difference of opinion mutually agree that whichever party is proven right (or winning party) gets to slap whichever party is proven wrong (or losing party) across the face as hard as they possibly can.
2. In all Slap Bets, a Slap Bet Commissioner must be appointed. In the event of a discrepancy, the Slap Bet Commissioner makes the final ruling. The Slap Bet Commissioner must be someone fair and unbiased, someone kind hearted but not afraid to rule with an iron wrist.
3. When issuing a slap, the slapper must avoid lips and noses at all costs. The goal is for the palm of the slapper's hand to connect with the meaty part of the slappee's cheek thus providing utmost enjoyment and pain. If you're seeing handprint on cheek, you're doing something right. In the event of a bloody nose, the Slap Bet Commissioner shall award the slappee three slaps to be used in succession. Suggestion: The Dead Man's slap (rule 8.)
4. When issuing a slap, the slapper must not wear any rings, gloves, or other finger/hand ornaments to protect the safety of the slappee.
5. When issuing a slap, the slapper must keep one foot on the ground at all times to protect the safety of the slappee.
6. In the event of Premature Slapulation, (when the slapper slaps the slappee as hard as he or she possibly can and then afterwards, finds out that the slap was not warranted), the slappee gets to slap the slapper at least three times.
7. The Blind Man Slap: If the Slap Bet Commissioner deems the slappee particularly deserving, the Slap Bet Commissioner can issue The Blind Man Slap in which the slappee must close their eyes while being slapped.
8. The Dead Man Slap: Backhanded slaps are permitted only if used in succession. For example, if the Slap Bet Commissioner awards the slapper multiple slaps, the slapper can use a backhand if and only if it's preceded by a forehand. This is commonly referred to as The Dead Man Slap and is the only existing slap that allows the slapper to connect with both sides of the slappee's face thereby earning maximum slappage.
9. When the slappee gets slapped, he/she must accept the fact that they've just been slapped. Any retaliation against the slapper, by the slappee, will result in no less than ten slaps (with a set number to be delivered by the Slap Bet Commissioner.)
10. The most important rule: Enjoy! Few things in this world match the sheer joy one receives from slapping a friend right across the face. Especially after being proven right. So slap away!
The Story
About a year ago, I started watching the first three seasons of How I Met Your Mother. In Season 2, Marshall and Barney place bets on why Robin doesn't like going to malls. Marshall thinks she was married in a mall, and Barney thinks she used to do porn...wait for it...ography! It turns out neither of them were right, but the best part was what they wagered. The winner of the bet would get to slap the loser in the face as hard as they possibly could.
An interesting idea. From that point on, my brother Chris and I started placing slap bets on everything from "he's gonna miss this kick," to "no way man, that's a dude." We never slapped each other really hard until the NCAA Basketball Tournament rolled around last March, when we decided that the winner deserved to really lay one on the other guy.
I won because I'm a fucking genius. There's a video of the slap somewhere. When I track it down, I'll throw it on here. Anyway, I made this blog because we are placing another slap bet on the college football season. We're going to pick around ten games per week, against the spread, and the winner at the end of the season wins the slap bet. This blog will serve simply as an easy way for us to keep track of each other's picks along with any other slap bets that may be thrown down in the future.
We may expand our posting a little bit in the future. Probably mostly about college football, but sometimes I might feel the need to vent my anger about the Royals, or maybe I'll just write for schnitz-n-gigglez about something that I think my brother will laugh at. Either way, welcome to The Ultimate Wager.
Mahalo.
An interesting idea. From that point on, my brother Chris and I started placing slap bets on everything from "he's gonna miss this kick," to "no way man, that's a dude." We never slapped each other really hard until the NCAA Basketball Tournament rolled around last March, when we decided that the winner deserved to really lay one on the other guy.
I won because I'm a fucking genius. There's a video of the slap somewhere. When I track it down, I'll throw it on here. Anyway, I made this blog because we are placing another slap bet on the college football season. We're going to pick around ten games per week, against the spread, and the winner at the end of the season wins the slap bet. This blog will serve simply as an easy way for us to keep track of each other's picks along with any other slap bets that may be thrown down in the future.
We may expand our posting a little bit in the future. Probably mostly about college football, but sometimes I might feel the need to vent my anger about the Royals, or maybe I'll just write for schnitz-n-gigglez about something that I think my brother will laugh at. Either way, welcome to The Ultimate Wager.
Mahalo.
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