1. Whale Rule: Take a drink every time you see the whale (pictured above and thanks to the fine people at EDSBS for the best rule ever). Commercials count.
2. Suh Rule: Take a drink anytime they mention the numerous awards that Ndamukong Suh took home this season. This includes any mention of the Heisman trophy, which he did not win and anytime they mention that he will be a top five draft pick. Also, take a drink if they mention that Ndamukong translates to "House of Spears." If you can hear Nebraska fans yelling SUUUUHHHH, drink your beer, asshole.
3. Ohio Rule: Take a shot when they mention that Bo Pelini and Mike Stoops attended the same high school. Hopefully they only do this once. Any mention of Big Game Bob will also warrant a drink.
4. Texas Rule: If they show the replay of Colt McCoy rolling out of the pocket down by two with seven seconds left on the clock only to throw the ball gingerly out of bounds as time runs out but not really and Texas kicks a field goal as time expires for real this time to win the Big XII Championship 13-12 and save their shot at a national title...I'm chugging a full beer and killing myself. Fuck that and fuck you.
5. Points Rule: Take a drink whenever points are scored. However, if Nebraska scores an offensive touchdown, I think that's worth half a beer. If it gets bad, I might start drinking for first downs. If it gets real bad, I may take a drink anytime Zac Lee completes a pass. Speaking of Zac Lee, take 5 drinks if they bring in Cody Green. Take five more when they bring Zac back in because Cody just threw the worst pass you’ve ever seen.
6. Defensive Rule: Take a drink for any big defensive plays. Sacks, forced fumbles, interceptions and huge hits are all worth a drink.
7. Waterfall Rule: Anytime a player catches a pass and is running free to the end zone or breaks through the line for a huge gain, start drinking and don't stop until he is tackled or scores a touchdown (upon which point you must drink again per rule 5). Kickoff/punt returns included.
Alright. Good talk. See ya out there.
/hammered
